Who needs John Legend?

Holiday songs to sexy up your Holidays

This Holiday season we’re looking at some all time American most beloved and sexy Xmas songs. Yes, with all respect due and in the best American tradition, we’re bringing back the songs that once were the essence of Holidays, the season of joy, love and romance. Screw you, John Legend!

Unquestionable number one, an old time classic that accompanied generations of Americans find love and romance during winter chaos. Cozy, witty, sweet and above all romantic in a good, old fashioned way.

The song began life as a "party piece" for high society soirees of the 1940s. Guys And Dolls composer Frank Loesser wrote the song in 1944 to perform with his wife Lynn Garland at their housewarming party in New York. Garland reflected that the song was their "ticket to caviar and truffles. We became instant parlor room stars.

In the 70 years since the original composition a diverse range of stars have covered the song, such as Louis Armstrong, Dean Martin, Ray Charles, Barry Manilow, Bette Midler, Vanessa Williams, Harry Connick Jr., Rod Stewart, Dolly Parton, James Taylor, Natalie Cole, Willie Nelson, Norah Jones, Avril Lavigne and Sia. But the world has changed dramatically in relation to our understanding and interpretation of gender roles, and a recent version of the song has caused a blizzard of controversy on both sides of the Atlantic.

Now, just recently vocalists John Legend and Kelly Clarkson recorded a modified version of "Baby, It's Cold Outside" to address potential concerns around lyrics which could be offensive when viewed with modern sensibilities. For example, rather than the unrelenting persistence of the original, Legend concurs to Clarkson that it is "your body, your choice," and offers to call her an Uber.

Dean Martin’s daughter says John Legend, Kelly Clarkson’s remake of ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside’ is 'strange'

“It was written in 1944 by Frank Loesser and it won the Academy Award for the movie ‘Neptune’s Daughter,’” the 71-year-old continued. “And it was a… flirtatious, cute song.” she said.

John Legend - apparently the Sexiest Man Alive 2019 - pointed out he rewrote specific lyrics to the song after some deemed the lines to be predatory in today’s #MeToo climate. Sic!

In the original tune, which was covered by Dean in 1959, a female sings: “I really can’t stay,” to which a man responds: “But baby, it’s cold outside.” In another part of the song, a woman is heard singing lines like “Say, what’s in this drink?”, “The answer is no” and “I’ve gotta get home.”

With the #MeToo and Time’s Up movements rocking Hollywood, some modern-day listeners have questioned the original’s lyrical content. As a result, Legend and Clarkson, 37, released a less offensive version, replacing many of the original lyrics.

For example, the original track includes the verse, “The neighbors might think (Baby it's bad out there) / Say what's in this drink (No cabs to be had out there) / I wish I knew how (Your eyes are like starlight now) / To break this spell (I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell).”

In contrast, Legend and Clarkson’s version swaps out those lyrics in favor of: “What will my friends think? (It's your body and your choice) / If I have one more drink? (It's your body and your choice) / Ooh you really know how (Your eyes are like starlight now) / To cast a spell (One look at you and then I fell).”

Martin said she was sticking by her pledge to continue performing “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” despite the frosty reception the decades-old song has received. “Listen to the song,” she said. “In the movie, when you have Esther Williams and Ricardo Montalban, he is chasing her around. And then a bit later in the movie, they have Betty Garrett, who’s chasing Red Skelton around. So fair is fair. And I think that it actually empowers women, that whole song because she’s saying, ‘No, I really must go.’ And she goes.”

“I think I understand what people were thinking about,” reflected Martin. “I understand the #MeToo movement and everything, but I disagree with them wholeheartedly. I think that it’s a sweet, cute, flirtatious song and people have to date. That’s how you meet people. You go out and you fall in love and then maybe you get married. So I think there’s nothing inappropriate about this song. I think it’s just in their minds.”

We say, screw you Legend! Go spend your Christmas with Kelly Clarkson. We stick to good old songs and lovely sex dolls.

Next in line, a UK megahit, Wham!'s Last Christmas

Last Christmas isn’t just about the lies we tell ourselves in order to cope with rejection – it’s also about the cognitive dissonance of obsessive love. At the end of the first verse, Michael pithily sets out this kind of double think: now he knows “what a fool I’ve been, but if you kissed me now, I know you’d fool me again”. It’s just one heart-rending epigram in a song full of them, capturing the way defiance masks hope, and how easily love and desire can delude us into forgiveness.

Finally, another UK import: Christmas Is All Around, song from the 2003 movie ‘Love Actually’ was just a joke, because Love Is All Around had been at No 1 for 15 weeks and the producers liked the idea of a compromised character like Billy Mack covering it. We appreciate the background!

Let us know your types. It’s not too late to get a doll for Christmas or if you already own one (or two), ‘tis the season to spice it up, bring some love and romance, make it cozy!

And now we leave you with an absolute classic: Mariah Carey - All I Want for Christmas Is You. The used-to-be sweet and innocent America’s Sweetheart, now a mature, self-aware, incredibly sexy Diva, the song brings not just joy but is a tribute to untamed love for Holidays, beauty, love and curves!